Sunday, November 21, 2010

Rainy state of mind

It's raining in the desert this weekend. My host says they get about 2 inches a year in this area, and it looks like we're going to get at least one here before the day is over.

I spent a lot of the drive listening to music, listening to books-on-CD, really anything that would keep me from thinking about how this is my first trip to her home-state since we parted ways, and reconciling all the memories we made here with the new ones I'll have to make - trying to disconnect her from the one place I knew her by. Heartache is like a disease that can go into remission for days, weeks, months - You're going about your daily life and Shazam! One tree can trigger a memory, which triggers another, and suddenly you're swimming in an inch of rain.

For me, music is the medicine. The stage is the one place where I can sing about pain, feel pain, and still be happy. It is the one place where emotion and reason coexist without a power struggle. Within the course of a three minute song, I find myself all powerful and yet completely powerless. I am all at once in love, furious, homesick, and somehow comforted in knowing that (whether hundreds of miles away or just a few) life moves forward, and the sky remains open with possibility.

I didn't bring an umbrella this time around. But I say let it rain.

1 comment: