It’s important to realize that there are no definitive answers in life. The only definitive that has not been proven false in my life is love, but love is always - and must remain - a place of origin, not a destination to be reached. And priorities are usually related to our goals and destinations, not our starting points.
Much like love is an origin, I also believe marriage should be seen as a point of origin, and not a destination to be reached. Marriage should be that gate two people walk through together which leads gracefully into another chapter in life. So many people see marriage as another destination – something to be obtained - rather than a beginning. Even the concept of being engaged, when viewed more literally, becomes a much more active pursuit. I think the concept of engagement with another person – or, to clarify, engaging with that person and being engaged by him or her – is a much more worthy goal than being married, or bonded to someone. Every engagement should be lifelong, and is more important than the marriage it preceeds. Marriage should be nothing more than a title, the legalization of our rapture with another person and our commitment to that person. Easy for me to say, of course, when I'm not married.
I digress.
Life offers us no definitive answers. I’d love to have a flow chart and run my life through the hierarchy of a system – this comes first, then that, then that….fulfillment. The challenge is maintaining a sense of calm, purpose, and fulfillment through all the many phases of the juggling act. Or perhaps the challenge is learning to see it as something other than a juggling – instead, what if each day under the sun were just that – a day in the grace of the light, in the warmth of the world. Eternal bliss, no. I would not have eternal bliss, it would be a poison that when drunk would make the world comatose. Instead, give me the world, with all of its raptures and risks, and grant me a strong, pourous skin with the power to let in the light and turn away the darkness. What I mean is that when I pass a man on the street and he’s crying, I cannot completely disregard his sadness and remain in a state of untouchable bliss. And at the same time, if I pass a woman on the street and she’s laughing, and I meet her eyes, I can’t walk by unaffected by the contagion of her laughter. We can, however, be firm in our own gravity – be confident in our own souls, and remain pure in our ability to affect and be affected by those around us. In essence, we are each touched by the ripples of those around us, but we don’t become the ripples; this is the main difference between the strong and the highly impressionable.
In vocation, we each pick one or two little things to give each other. If we make comedies, our mission is to make each other laugh; to send those ripples outward into the lake of human interaction. If we write songs, our job might be to make people imagine things; or to choke people up, or to make people feel a very particular way. A good song is like a small chocolate that you put in your mouth whose flavor builds until you lose touch with your immediate surroundings and for a brief moment become the chocolate.
There are a very few songs I have in which I think I bring that sensation to the listener. But, like a romantic relationship, my relationship with my music must start here, it must start with the love I wish to give to my listener; whether it’s tough love, love received through pain, love given through laughter, or an escape in the form of a story. If I think of my music this way, alongside the concepts of taste and sensuality, it becomes a treat, nourishment, and I am able to give a gift to my listener that will nourish and satisfy her. If I listen to a lot of new music with this in mind, it becomes unlistenable. Not because it's bad, but because it is the equivalent of a sweet candy, made with just a little too much sugar – like a jolly rancher made to taste like watermelon that comes off as sweet, but lacks the satiating fullness of a bite of the actual melon.
I do know this: Whatever the goal is, I haven’t quite reached it yet. I’ve gotten close with songs like Providence. A song that tells you a story, takes you through a miniature lifetime within the confines of those three minutes. Those are the songs I love.
