Awakening

This morning I meant to get up at 7:30, and I ended up in bed until 11. For whatever reason, I just couldn't face it today. The worst part was that I couldn't allow myself to enjoy the late start because I was too worried about sabotaging one of the first days of what I'd prematurely dubbed "my most productive year yet!".

For someone who likes to have a plan, it's nearly impossible for me to keep a normal schedule. I've been trying for six years. A major challenge for any artist is finding some way to structure your life in a profession whose very nature is to defy structure. I'm a homebody, but as soon as I start to establish a normal routine, it's time to hit the road again. Sometimes I go to bed at 10pm; sometimes I write and write until 3 or 4 in the morning, and sometimes I plan to write at a certain time and nothing good comes out. Sometimes I'm driving somewhere and I have to pull over to write down lyrics, or a thought, or a joke - usually when I'm on my way to something where punctuality is key (a meeting, a date, the airport...). A good thought or lyric or melody is often like a dream; if you don't record it right away, it simply vanishes. I've learned to honor that inspiration when it comes, and take the wrath of whoever was waiting for me on the other end. In rare cases, I'll let a moment of inspiration go, and I'm always regretful when I do.

I know nobody wants to hear me complain about the inconveniences of my dream job. I just needed to vent for a second.

Emerson once wrote that an artist who is traveling craves the comfort and consistency of home, and an artist at home can't wait to get back out on the road (I'm paraphrasing here) but that the true power of understanding lies in that delicate balance between life at home and life away. It's not a matter of always wanting what we don't have (although there's always some of that in life); it's more about needing two things at once to understand the balance. In one way or another, we're all either 'at home' or 'away' at any given moment; either doing something comfortable or something challenging, in motion or staying still. I think a lot of people lose that perspective that comes with balancing both, and it's only natural - people get older, settle down in one place with an office and a girlfriend and a dog, maybe a fish (don't get a fish, by the way - too much investment, no payoff). The point is, it's easy to forget how big the world is. Generally, "Gosh, It's such a small world," is a phrase reserved for people who haven't been on a sixteen hour flight recently. Our own little concentric circles may be small, but make no mistake - it is a GIANT world out there, and there's a lot to discover, both away and in our own backyards.

The new year began with all its fanfare and now it's time to get to work again, and sometimes it's easier said than done. We often spend time waiting for an awakening - waiting for some big cosmic alarm clock to shake us out of our routine and give us the fire to start doing what we know we're meant to do, to put some resolve behind our resolutions. And if it doesn't come, we just go back to the norm, hoping it will show up eventually. We hit snooze and sleep through the static.

Here's the deal: We are the resolve. We have to be the awakening, for ourselves and each other. It's difficult but necessary. I need to see you out there doing what you're meant to do because it fires me up to do the same. And you need the same from me.

With that, I'm getting back to work. Even if I have to start a little later than I'd planned.

J